A Message from Ine's Natural Parents

A few months ago, I had the thought that it would be interesting to ask Ine's parents to write something for this blog.  I often wonder what my answer will be if Leah ever asks me if she can be an exchange student.  My gut reaction is "Hell no!"  And I think how brave it is for parents to let their kids go off and explore the world for a year, living with strangers in a country where perhaps the parents have never been either.  One of the beauties of hosting exchange students is that you also get to develop a relationship with your student's parents.  I am so glad to be able to email Hilde and Johan, and Hilde and I had a wonderful chat on Skype a few weeks ago as well.   It is an important relationship--they know their child better than anyone, so when you have questions, when things aren't going well, when you need information, it is invaluable to be able to get in touch and have a quick response and make the world even smaller.  And oftentimes, I think the sacrifices of the sending family are overlooked--we know the students are on life-changing adventures, we know the host families are busy showing the students a new culture, but we don't think about the natural families very much.  So I asked them to write something about how it feels to let your daughter go on an exchange and Ine's dad, Johan, sent the following, which I hope you will find as interesting as I do!

Ine and her parents and sister on the day she left to come to the US

Ine her year in the USA is already halfway. I can assure you that such an exchange also has a major impact on the lives of those who stay at home. Ine was not an adventurous type. She was rather a bit shy and quiet. Certainly not the type from which you expect one day they tell you they want to go abroad for a year. So yes, we were shocked when she told us about her dream. Everyone wants to be close to his children so that you can see them and help them when needed. At first we even hoped she would change her mind.

To be honest, we thought she would not survive the preparation meetings and weekends. But she did! That was already a first lesson for us: our little girl was much stronger than we thought. We talked to her about why she wanted to do this and what she expected from the exchange. And she was able to convince us she did not want to flee from us, but that she wanted to develop herself, become stronger, be more confident and learn a foreign language. So instead of being afraid because she would leave us, we became proud because she wanted to do this. We always try to raise our children with an open mind. We want them to look beyond their own little world. So what Ine wanted to do only meant we did a good job.

Of course the tension grew when the date of departure approached. Especially because Ine was given a host family very late. But then she finally got the first email from Susan. And at once, we had a good feeling. Ine was lucky with her ‘new mom’. Knowing that helped us a lot at the departure of Ine. But nevertheless, the moment you see your daughter walk away and you realize it will be 10 months later before you will be able to hug her again is hard. Very hard. I really can’t describe the emotions of that moment. But she's gone, that is sure. And that’s the beginning of a very difficult period. Where is she going to? Will it go well with her new family? How will she do it on that new school? So much questions to which you do not get answers immediately. But we were lucky. In the US there is internet access anywhere. So after a few days we began to receive good news messages from her. That helps, of course, to take away the uncertainty and tension. And new mom Susan proved to be very communicative. She kept us very well informed about how Ine was doing. About what went well, but also about what was not going so well.

Of course there were things went less well. Knowing that gives you a very bad feeling. You know your daughter feels bad too and you can’t actually do anything. You feel pretty useless at such a moment. All we could do was to mediate by mail between Ine and Susan. It feels great when you are able to help a little. And after a while there is less bad news and much more good news. Things are getting better between Ine and Susan and Leah. All goes well at school. She even gets new friends. It’s great to read and hear about all the new chances Ine is getting thanks to Susan. It becomes wonderful to see Ine develop her own new life so far away from you. She’s doing well and you realize you miss her less and less. And before you know it, the exchange is already halfway...